Parade

"Sylvia asks me to take her back. She’s joined her mother in Germany.”

“Will you take her back?”

“I imagine so. There’s the child to consider. Marchant says he’s beginning to talk like a farmer’s boy already. Well, I shan’t have a house again. There’s a certain discredit attaches to itself to a cuckold, quite properly. Anything beyond a flat looks like impudence in a man who can’t keep his wife.”

“I wish you’d divorce her. Drag her through the mud.”

“For a gentleman there’s such a thing as...... call it parade.”

“And if you met someone you wanted to marry?”

“It would change nothing. I stand for monogamy.”

“You..”

“Aye! Monogamy and chastity. And for not talking about it.”

 


This scene in Parade’s End Episode 1 is heartbreaking to watch. Christopher Tietjens (Benedict Cumberbatch) looks so pained. :(

 

 

(Walau dengan penampakan prt disiksa majikan,) Posko! Aku Datang!

Jadi.. Ceritanya bermula dari bulan lalu, ketika Razet datang ke Manado untuk pelantikan Anggota Muda STAPALA BDK Manado. Di saat dia bercerita tentang posko dan kegiatannya, aku tiba-tiba sadar kalau aku benar-benar kangen sama posko. Kangen suasananya, ceng-cengannya, nuansa kekeluargaannya yang unik dan khas, dan semua romantika yang dihadirkan ketika berada di ruangan kecil padat dan berantakan itu. Sejak penempatan di Manado, memang sudah beberapa kali aku ke posko, tapi selalu di hari libur jadi sepi dan tak banyak orang. Semua romantika itu tak terasa. Begitu pula dengan gunung. Entah kapan terakhir kali aku naik gunung dengan anak Stapala. Kangen sekali dengan dinginnya gunung-gunung basah di Jawa Barat, berkerumun di depan tenda bersama saudara-saudara beraneka etnis dan budaya. Maka ketika Razet bilang mau ada jambore, kuputuskan aku mau ikut. Satu bulan terakhir ini aku disibukkan dengan penugasan yang bikin stres karena timnya nyaris tidak pernah lengkap. Mulai dari teman anggota tim yang harus diklat ke Ciawi sampai ketua tim yang tiba-tiba kena stroke. Beban pekerjaan jadi berlipat ganda, ditambah mitra kerja yang sulit diajak bekerja sama. Setiap kali mau ambruk, yang diingat di ujung penugasan mau ke posko, jalan-jalan, refreshing. Dan semangat muncul lagi. Lalu tibalah sehari sebelum berangkat ke posko. Lembur di kantor, berusaha keras menyelesaikan apa yang harus diselesaikan lalu web check in. Hati ini sudah bersorak girang, memutuskan untuk mampir beli oleh2 buat anak2 posko. Aku ingat aku tidak sedang melamun. Aku berpikir, tapi tidak melamun. Sadar, aku melihat sebuah angkot bergerak melintas ke kiri di depanku. Aku pun mengerem, berusaha mengurangi laju motorku yang sesungguhnya saat itu pun tidak terlalu kencang. Tiba-tiba saja roda depanku oleng dan detik berikutnya mulutku menghantam aspal. Seketika orang-orang berkerumun di sekitarku. Aku merasakan gigiku patah, dan ketika aku mengangkat kepala, darah mengucur deras dari bibirku yang sepertinya sobek parah. Tiga jam sejak jatuh, darah belum juga berhenti mengalir. Dan selama tiga jam itu rasanya benar-benar ngga karuan. Lebih dari sakit karena luka, rasanya benar-benar menyesakkan tiap memikirkan harus batal berangkat. Rasanya seperti dipecundangi setelah berjuang habis-habisan. Bahkan sampai tadi pagi, selalu saja salah menyebut kantor dengan posko. Bermula dari bbm dengan balung, dia yang sedang di posko bercerita pada petoy yang kemudian meneleponku. (Wow, it meant so much!) Dua-duanya sibuk ngotot aku jadi berangkat saja. Aku sendiri masih galau, takut patah gigi dan luka bibir membuat susah makan, berujung jadi lemas, berujung jadi merepotkan yang lain. Tapi toh aku mencicil packing juga semalam, berharap lukanya sudah tertutup paginya. Subuh, aku terbangun, mendapati darah masih mengalir dan bibir terasa kebas, sementara kaki mulai kaku. Pasrah, sudah tidak mungkin berangkat kalau begini. Percuma juga berangkat kalau tidak bisa enjoy. Sialnya, kalau bukan untungnya, saat kembali tidur, aku memimpikan posko dan beberapa anak SPA, memimpikan lukaku kering dan aku bisa makan dengan entengnya. Setengah 7, aku terbangun lagi, menimbang kondisi tubuhku. Tidak ada yang nyeri. Mencoba minum, sudah tidak ada lagi sengatan perih luar biasa ketika luka terkena air seperti malam sebelumnya. Mencoba makan biskuit, asal sedikit-sedikit makannya, sepertinya ada masalah. Terakhir, mencoba sikat gigi dan horaaay! Bisa! Tidak ada rasa sakit berlebih. I'm good to go. Langsung saja aku mandi, packing seadanya, pesan taksi dan buru-buru menuju bandara. Nyaris terlambat, tapi toh akhirnya sekarang aku disini, di dalam pesawat, mengetik draft untuk di-upload setelah setibanya di jakarta nanti. Posko. Aku datang..!

The Amazing(ly ugly enemy of) Spider-Man('s)

When you're about 3 weeks late in watching a hollywood superhero movie, it is guaranteed that when you walk in to the theater you'd have more than just popcorn and coke. Spoilers - whether voluntarily or involuntarily - would be up your sleeves. I, myself, anticipated 3 things when I watched The Amazing Spiderman last night:

1. The difference between Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker to Tobey Maguire's.

2. Andrew Garfield's ass (yes, it came from Puspa xD)

3. the ugly enemy.

BUT..

As it turned out, i failed in anticipating the shock over witnessing the ugliness of the thing Spiderman has to fight with. Eventhough I had read it so many times in twitter, when the thing first reveald itself, i thought to myself, "man, it's so ugly." And on its second encounter with spidey, i practically shouted what i read in timeline couple weeks ago:

"FUCK! IT TALKS!!"

It's super ugly and it talks! That's like combo to a damn new level of eww-ness. Even Venom in Spiderman 3 wasn't that gross and still looked rather good in comic book villain standart. But this thing in The Amazing Spiderman is just. pure. ugly.

Well as for the casts, true that Andrew Gardfield is sizzling hot with super cute smile and everything, but for me who practically grew up with Tobey Maguire's clumsy gallant Peter Parker, it's not quite easy to move on to Garfield's rather dark and troubled teenage boy. However, I have to admit, his acting is spectacular. And the movie is great, though i must say, it's not so much a special one.

There's this boy in the neighbourhood.

There’s this boy in the neighbourhood. He was born and raised in a devout Christian family. He grew up in a devout Christian neighbourhood. He grew up as a devout Christian. Everybody knew him as the Christian boy.

Then he dated a Moslem girl. He was so in love with the girl and everyone was in doubt of it. After years of relationship, he was no longer the Christian boy. Even long after it ended, to everyone else he was the boy who dated a Moslem girl.

One day he realized he got so fed up with rituals, so he stopped doing them gradually. Started from Sunday masses to prayers before meals. And so in people’s eyes, he became the boy who gave up religion. (Oh, actually, the old lady accross the street called him the boy who gave up heaven.)

The boy told them he was a non-devout and they gave him fake understanding smile. And talked behind his back. Some decided to give him a cooler nickname: the agnostic boy.

He couldn’t care less.

Long after, he shared them a little piece of his mind – of his heart – about religion, about rituals, about faith. About God. They gave him curious look which then turned into doubtful one. And took it not quite long to turn into defensive rejection. The boy knew instantly what had happened, though he didn’t really understand why. He got confused and strangely he felt lonely. He was helpless for everyone he knew gave him that look. Everyone and everywhere he went.

So he turned to the Only One he knew would listen. The One he knew him best. The One he called “Dad”.

He sat on a park bench on his own, stared at the blue sky and let out a short sigh. The cold breeze blew his hair.

“Hey, Dad,” said the boy as if to no one, “I think they think I’m an atheist and they’ve killed me in their mind. What You say I should do about that, eh?”

- - -

(Black Canyon, 29/06/2012)

Ketagihan Kesedihan

Di antara papadam (semacam kerupuk India) dan nasi biryani, dia bertanya kepada saya, dengan terus terang, apakah saya bahagia di Qatar.

"Sebenarnya," kata saya, "saya merasa sedih. Sangat sedih. Saya tidak dapat menjelaskannya."

"Itu karena Anda membutuhkannya, Anda menyukainya."

"Menyukai apa?"

"Kesedihan. Anda ketagihan kesedihan."

Dia tidak mengatakan kalimat itu seperti teori konyol. Dia mengatakannya seperti bahwa hal tersebut merupakan fakta. Bumi itu bulat. Saya ketagihan kesedihan. Apakah hal seperti itu mungkin? Saya bertanya-tanya. Orang waras seperti apa yang keranjingan sesuatu seperti kesedihan?

~ Geography of Bliss, Eric Weiner ~

Part Of Getting It ~ Harvey Specter

There's this scene in Suits S01E03 that i really like. It's when Mike, as a rookie in the law firm, was told to throw a dinner for his fellow associates. He was stressed because he couldn't find the right restaurant and whined to Harvey, the senior partner.

Mike: "Why does any of this matter?"
Harvey: "You see that guy there by the fax? Take a good look! He's never gonna make a partner."
Mike: "Let me guess. Because he threw a lousy rookie dinner?"
Harvey: "No. Because he doesn't get it."
Mike: "Get what?"
Harvey: "He doesn't get it that doing good work isn't the whole job. Part of getting it is that things like dinner actually matter, even when you don't think they do. Look, you were giving me shit this morning because I come and go when I want to. You know why I can do that? Because when I got here, I dominated. They thought I worked 100 hours a day. Now, no matter what time I get in, nobody question my ability to get the job done. Get it through your head! First impressions last. You start behind the eight ball, you'll never get in front."

I don't have any problem with Smokers but well.. Happy World No Tobbaco Day

Hampir setahun lamanya batukku datang dan pergi sesuka hati. Ketika datang, hebatnya sampai menekan dada. Ketika pergi, leganya hanya sementara karena tahu hari berikutnya akan datang lagi.

Setelah check up ke rumah sakit dan di-rontgen, kata dokter gara-gara bronchitis.

Kalau aku batuk, orang lain yang prihatin, karena kedengarannya parah sekali. Akunya indifferent, karena tahu beberapa jam kemudian pasti reda.

"Kok bisa sampai kayak gitu sih?" Biasanya yang ditanyakan orang. Dan suatu hari, waktu ada yang bertanya begitu, papaku keceletuk, "Soalnya dia dari kecil....."

Papaku ngga menyelesaikan kalimatnya.

Jelaslah aku panik. Aku kenapa? Dari kecil aku kenapa? Do I have a health defect? Apa aku pernah sakit parah yang aku ngga ingat?

Butuh waktu agak lama buatku untuk kemudian sadar apa yang mungkin hampir keceletuk sama papa: dari kecil aku menghirup asap rokok yang dihisap papaku. He must've somehow felt guilty or something, he didn't finish his sentence.

Do I blame him? No. Of course not. Toh penyebabnya juga belum tentu semata-mata gara-gara rokok. Dan aku juga ga sampe sakit parah kayak Janson yang mesti sampe operasi di luar negeri dan cuti kuliah setahun gara2 asap rokok bapaknya. (kanker sinus atau semacamnya bukan sih ya si janson?)

Apa aku bakal lebih seneng kalau papa berhenti merokok? Iya.
Apa aku bakal lebih bersyukur kalau orang-orang terdekatku berhenti merokok? Jelas.
Tapi apa aku bakal maksa mereka buat berhenti? Engga.

Every now and then, mungkin aku bakal bilang, "Rokoknya dikurangi." Tapi aku sih mending mereka bilang "ngga bisa" atau semacamnya dan tetep ngerokok daripada ngeiyain, tapi di belakang diam-diam sembunyi ngerokok kalau lagi ngga samaku. Yeah, bertahun-tahun berada di tengah lingkungan dominan cowok, kelakuan semacam itu sih sudah terlalu sering kutemui. Dibohongi itu sakit, jendral..! Lagipula, call me ignorant but I really don't have any problem with smokers.

Kamu mau merokok di sekitarku? Silakan. Asal tidak di kendaraan umum, ruangan ber-AC, atau ruangan apapun tanpa sirkulasi udara yang memadai.

Dan yang terpenting, asal tidak di sekitar anak-anak kecil. Anak-anakmu sendiri, ataupun anaknya orang lain. Dan orang-orang yang kamu sayang.

Happy World No Tobbaco Day..!

Midnight Talk About Love

(Last night I was up until midnight, having a marvelous chat with a friend via BBM, and one of the things we talked about was -of course- love. And I, who spent the day in anger, originally thought i'd found his words to be cheesy BS. But no, I found them surprisingly refreshing. Think I'm going to share some lines here. :3)

Unrequited love is the best there is. Your love remains the object of unlimited downpour of compassion. In short; you won't ever get bored.

To love is to give, ever heard of that? It's a classic one. What else is there to love where you have no one to give? When love is taking, it's half loving. When love is giving, it's love living.

Well, it hurts the most when you love somebody the way you wanted to. There's no remedy to that. Because the pain itself is a proper remedy. To know that you are able to love. That beneath the rough patch of a human, is a soul made of love and compassion. It's a mystery you could never have empirically proven, but a most beautiful mystery indeed.

Whereas all living things are made to avoid damage, pain and hurt as best as nature could possibly teach. But in love, you seek comfort through the damage, pain and in the end emerge human.

People Are Like Puzzles

Mengenal seseorang itu seperti mengumpulkan kepingan-kepingan puzzle. Dalam tiap percakapan, di setiap hari, ada kepingan baru yang kita temukan. Mungkin kepingan-kepingan awalnya kelihatan gambarnya keren, atau malah membosankan. Tapi semakin banyak kepingan yang dikumpulkan, semakin banyak pula kejutan yang muncul.

Menariknya, kalau bukan sialnya, kita tak pernah tahu berapa banyak kepingan yang menyusun puzzle tersebut. Dan terkadang, semakin banyak kepingan yang terkumpul, justru semakin sulit untuk menduga gambar apa yang akan ditunjukkan. Semakin suka atau jadi kecewa, terkadang juga tak bisa diterka.

Dan kalau sedang sial betul, gambar yang tadinya sangat menarik pun, yang kepingan-kepingan awalnya membuat kita langsung jatuh cinta dan bersemangat untun mengumpulkan semakin banyak lagi kepingannya, ternyata justru menampilkan gambar yang kemudian membuat kita sakit hati.